beth

Mon, 21 Aug 2006 13:06:52 GMT

HTTP://WWW.LIVEJOURNAL.COM/XBETHATTACKX

new journal mate.

Sun, 20 Aug 2006 17:26:47 GMT

going to delete my journal.

bye.

Sun, 20 Aug 2006 16:06:59 GMT

today, i feel alien to myself.

Sat, 19 Aug 2006 21:33:14 GMT

ok, so i've finally decided to do something about the way i'm feeling. i'm going to see the doctor on monday & hopefully he can sort me out. i get to pick my new glasses up too, going to be a geek! my moods kind of temperamental today, it's rapidly changing from highs to lows i think i need to stop snapping at people so much, esp when they havn't done anything. just sometimes i don't even want people to talk to me because it makes me irritable. mostly my mother, some times i don't even want to answer her questions. at the moment i'm just falling downwards & i honestly don't think i'm going to stop, but i'm going to try! i want to go to college with a positive attitude. i need to get back to being beth glastonbury not someone that pushes people away & disregards anything anyone has to say, not someone that has to fake a smile all the time. my livejournal entrys will be happy soon i promise. if they're some how boring you then i'm sorry, but well it's my journal. i don't have to hide anything i can type what i want. yer yer, darryl bought me two massive bottles of peach ice tea today, now see, these are the things that keep me going.

Thu, 17 Aug 2006 14:14:51 GMT

trying to pick myself up off the floor, anyone wanna help me?

Wed, 16 Aug 2006 12:15:27 GMT

feeling super duper lonely, it bugs me how all the assholes get the girls & i get none, maybe i am the biggest asshole of all? ohh, i don't know it's just really dragging me down lately, anyone wanna be my girlfriend? please?
:(

Mon, 14 Aug 2006 13:24:28 GMT

me & stevie got a ginuea pig, we named her rambo, even though we was convinced it was a boy we was proven wrong :( here's the little fella'

Sun, 13 Aug 2006 21:50:07 GMT

she's seen all the classics, she knows every line, breakfast club, pretty in pink even st elmos fireeeee!

Thu, 10 Aug 2006 10:02:47 GMT

i can't even begin to explain how empty i feel, i never thought they would of said that stuff to me. never in a million years, i just thought it was said over the internet out of angst & arguments. i've never been hated passionately by anyone before. what hurts most is them laughing at me & wanting me to die. & wishing they never met me. it's funny how people can just drop a year & forget about it. but i can't, not at the moment anyway. i know exactly how i feel & who i am & i know i never wanted this to happen. but i guess it's ok because you now have each other & the rest of the world doesn't matter & most of all that means me. one of the worse things was me starting to believe what they was saying to me! am i really all that stuff they said? does everyone really find me annoying? am i really venom? i don't even know myself anymore. but i realised yesterday i don't even think i know the people i've spent a huge part of my life with. but time will tell, but i think this is it now. closure be fucked!

Sat, 05 Aug 2006 23:21:05 GMT

ok, you hate me. but i'm afraid you're going to be around me some times in the future & all i want is to be civil, maybe not even civil. just ignore me if you hate me that much. just don't start arguments & embarass me! tssk!

the more you get, the less you care, don't think you'd ever smile, i bet we'll never speak again

contrary to all that i had a nice day, i went up cwm carnival with dobbs & had a giggle, & joined a team of eight for tug of war with cerys & mel & five other people i don't know. it was so funny because our team won both games & we won the final, the last match was so hard! it felt like it lasted for hours but i didn't give up, even though i was tempted! we had about one hundred people watching us haha. when we finished i just fell on my back & almost passed out i was that out of breath. after getting abused by these twelve year old clarts we went up the mountain to watch mark ride a wild horse. stevie & some of the girls come up too (yeah, that wasn't awkward atall) but i didn't provoke anything, just acted normal. played with air rifles & i've never shot a gun before but wowww. then we all went to grahams house, watched peter kay & bo selecta, felt like i was thirteen all over again :) then things got awkward & i just had to leave. had a good chat with stevie, got home had a chinese & an hour long conversation with my mam & darryl about religion.

what's everyone else been up to this weekend then? everyone seems to be on holidays!

Tue, 01 Aug 2006 10:08:11 GMT

i'm turning into a big ebay slag again. i've bought like two pairs of shoes off there already, haha, but yeah anyone want a pair of dickies or adidas jacket or straight edge t'shirt? look here...

http://search.ebay.co.uk/_W0QQsassZbethypenguinQQhtZ-1

safe as fuck.

spent last night up weatherspoons with rachel, bease, ross & kristy & then i spyed my music bitch dobbs with owen. i was so happy to see them. we talked for ages & shared a muffin. haha. then we headed onto the tav but stevie drove past me in her car which was a bit strange. but i got in & she brought me home & we had a good long talk & we kissed & made up :) so overall i'm a happy camper, i have all the people i need & i've pretty much not lost anyone or anything!

plans for this week are clean my bedroom because i'm blagging £20 off my mam, dollshouse tonight to pick a disc up full of pictures off craig & thursday i know i'm going to barry island & i think i'm staying at natalies. probably get pissed! i'll keep you all updated!

ohh has anyone heard any of the new stuff by slayer? fuckin' epic yo'!

Mon, 31 Jul 2006 09:01:35 GMT

i don't know how to feel about things at the moment. i'm ok, i'm not crying or sad or anything. i mean shit i knew this was coming anyway it was just a question of when?. personally i went to sleep thinking i couldn't give two fucks & i woke up feeling exactly the same way. infact i wouldn't give a fuck is she died. & i'm sure the feelings mutual, it's amazing how you can love someone so much & then bit by bit grow to really hate them. i guess there is a fine line between love & hate. but like my dad told me if you hate someone you're still thinking about them & focusing alot of what you do around them, so as from today you're dead to me & i couldn't feel more liberated. breath of fresh air really. time to get my life on track & spend time with people that actually care about me. it's a win win situation for all of us really.

Sat, 22 Jul 2006 11:25:58 GMT

glass half empty

Fri, 21 Jul 2006 17:48:19 GMT

i'm totally miserable. i hate not being with them, i hate not being with her, i hate spending my days in my bedroom trapped with my thoughts & my penguin toys, i just hate being lonely. & at the moment i feel like the loneliest person in the world. i need to stop crying & get a grip. bike scene just about sums me up.

Thu, 20 Jul 2006 22:56:07 GMT

spending my time with kristy & bease at the moment, should be good for all three of us, beaches & lots of food & stuff. sure, i'm missing the others, but in the long run it'll be better for me. maybe we can hang out as friends one day or something. oh well, win some you lose some.

got to be up at like nine tomorrow morning, so good night!

Wed, 19 Jul 2006 10:30:24 GMT

time to break away, time to get happy.

Tue, 18 Jul 2006 09:21:20 GMT

so i'm sat here with the new early november cd on, it's lush! it's like three disks with like 30 odd songs on. good way to start my summer really. if i ask nicely maybe stevie will take me for long drives with it playing. yeah yeah, but anyway i'm gunna make an entry, probably which will consist of pictures aswell. yeah i think it will!

since i got home from amsterdam i've been out with stevie, cassie & dobbs, it's been fuckin' epic. rachael only got back from her holiday yesterday so i got to see her after like a week, was nice. i've been up mountains & down fields. last night i even rode a motorbike but snapped the back because i fell off, invented a new game called human bowling. all you need is a half pipe & some people haha. smoked shit lots of weed & put cassie's bong to the test. he's a little star for such a small bong. that's it really. my mood seems to be quite temperamental lately though, the smallest thing can trigger me off into a labyrinth of unnecessary snapping & pissy fits. but sometimes i feel justified. yeah i'm gunna lay off the depressing shit now, here's some pictures.

stevie hides alot

me & my music bitch

dobbs

i don't like my nose

i had a peg on my nose, curtesy of cassie

happy

ha!

my legs look funny

the fantastic four minus rachael

cassie up the mountain

kyle up the mountain

me up the mountain

kyle in the ferns

me in the ferns

i wish dobbsy was more in this picture :(

tredeger mountain today, you know how i roll!

Sun, 16 Jul 2006 21:05:57 GMT

blah blah blah

Fri, 14 Jul 2006 12:28:02 GMT

rightt, so time for a written entry about my time in amsterdam. i went last monday & i was a bit warey about going. but i got excited on the plane & was super happy when i got there. landed at like ten oclock there time or something like that. met angela my mams friend & we got back to her house at like eleven oclock because of the trains & stuff like that. went straight out with laura to meet her friends, i rode two and a half miles on a propper dutch bike with laura on the back. was a bit wobbly but it was fun. couldn't stand when i got off the bike though. met her friends who didn't speak english atall, but they tryed so it was ok. felt uncomfy & i never feel uncomfy around new people as i'm quite social (well i like to think) but they where passing me joint after joint of the most perfect shit i've ever smoked. got really really fucked & attempted to peddle back to lauras at 2am. but that failed & we crashed into a grass verge on the side of the motor way. so we walked.

tuesday woke up pretty late & ate quasons (sp?) with lots of jam on & headed off to amsterdam with my mam. looked in lots of shops, & the shoes there where amazing. & the girls where just beautiful. i really did feel like i was in heaven. ate a mcdonalds, but the burger was massive, so i had a job to finish it. then i had a ben & jerrys ice cream which was outstanding! drank lots & lots of ice tea & headed home but went to bed early because i was really tired.

wednesday went into amsterdam with laura, my mam & angela, went for a meal & bought me some new shoes & cassie a bong. then we proceeded to go look around the red light district, it was amazing! i had my mouth open in awe the whole time. some of the prostitutes there are stunning. but i just liked watching the men go in & out of the doors, that was funny. went back home & lauras friend picked me up on his scooter & went to the docks for some doobie (as they call it) got really really really stoned again & then went home late on the back of the scooter!

thursday i was on edge pretty much all day, i just lazed around the garden & i've got a sexy sexy tan. haha, i worry way to much about what's going on at home sometimes. but then my mind was settled because i went on the internet & i was fine. got home in abertillery at half elevenish last night.

so overall, i pretty much loved the city of amsterdam. i loved the whole concept of it & how controversial it is. plus i love how much ice tea you can drink out there. i'll definitely go back, with my friends this time so we can sit in coffee shops & share a four people bong. sweeet!

Fri, 14 Jul 2006 08:31:52 GMT

so, i went to amsterdam with my mam & stayed with her friends. it was really warm & really nice to get away kind of. so here's some pictures!

gunna get away, from the problems of the world today! me & my mam on a plane, fly away to a better place!

the city!

i was impressed by all the pigeons!

forever eating icecream

we watched this guy for like 10 minutes, & he did nothing but make a complete dick of himself

tourist as fuck

my mam picked up my habbits.

the food in the city was grrrreat!

ready for the red light district

where i spend my days haha

LOLZ!

i've become way to addicted to ice tea

drinking some ice tea

i thought it would be funny!

so i did it with lime!

i met two new friends

& a girlfriend

my bitch!

he's well hung for a mannequin

eating dutch cake with cerys

my mother eats like me

cool rider on angelas moped thingy!

drinking dutch beer

i thought this looked cool (ignore how fat my chin is)

sooo i hung out with laura for the day...

it's called adelvice or something!

didn't speak a word of the queens but i liked his hair!

rollin'

the boy behind laura was called sven, he drove me lots of places on his scooter & he was lovely, & i think he was albino?

old friends!

trying to look cool

lauras love interest

big food for big girls

my mam looks nothing like me..hmm

ronald loves the reebok shoes bitch!

more ice cream!

ready to come home (my tongue is stained from ice tea!)

the beautiful view from the plane :)

make a written entry later!

Mon, 10 Jul 2006 10:26:26 GMT

i'm going to amsterdam now, bye!

Sun, 09 Jul 2006 13:19:16 GMT

so last night was my little "goodbye" party. well it wasn't really but i decided to myself that it was because i know i'm going to be missed. haha, but yeah for a "goodbye" party it wasn't that good. the beginning was nice i had a yokie bar to look forward too, cheap cider, some kick ass music & just generally having a laugh. but no!

cassie got spiked with an e in her cider, which is the most unfunny thing i have ever heard. i think i was expected to laugh but instead i got angry & cryed. made me realise how much i love her really. but you know the worse thing? they was going to do it to me!!! yeah. i felt a bit betrayed. you can't win with anyone can you?

oh well. amsterdam tomorrow, leave me some nice comments to come home to k? && kids in glasshouses new song is so nice.

Sat, 08 Jul 2006 12:21:04 GMT

well cassie is a babe & gave me two mp3 players to take away with me, so musically i'll be sorted for the plane & stuff. btw people i'm going to amsterdam on monday for like five days & it's gunna be so nice! gunna smoke it up with laura & her dutch friends. i'm going to emilys again tonight & i'm getting even more cheap cider. & maybe this time i'll have a bed to myself? fat chance like. ohh yeahh my #12 merch come today. i've been waiting pretty much over a year for #12 merch & today i finally got a tshirt. it came in a huge box though. strange!

Fri, 07 Jul 2006 15:44:29 GMT

err last night i bought 4 litres of cheap tesco value £1.38 cider, needless to say i was moosed at emilys house. she had a pretty neat party & lots & lots of people came, wasn't really much of an atmosphere either, i just sat on the side with cassie, dobbs & penny & drummed to blessed by a broken heart, pretty funny & we're now in a death metal band called murder on the moores haha. "christmassss dinnnnnerrr" lil stevie got really upset over stuff so i tryed to cheer her up by singing songs to her, & rachael recorded me doing busted, prince & fallout boy was pretty funny! drove down the all night garage to get lil stevie a lolli but when we got back she'd left along with like four other people so i just drank up some more then got really upset about something so i stormed off up to the atic for a cry & big stevie came & talked to me for a while, so then i just went to sleep in emilys mams bed & woke up this morning at 5am doing skateboard tricks & eating sweets. but now i'm hungover to the max & i need some sleep because i'm doing it all over again tomorrow, amsterdam on monday!

me & stevie are so grimey!

Wed, 05 Jul 2006 11:14:18 GMT

Don't steal, the government hates competition says:
well rite now im wearin sk8r trainers, (BLACK) a baggy chemical romance t shirt n a black spiky belt n baggy trousers wiv chains on the sides
beth .i'll whistle the tune all the way to the gallows says:
uh, ok
Don't steal, the government hates competition says:
there really long as well theyre tight up the top but really baggy at the bottom
Don't steal, the government hates competition says:
wa rong wiv tha?
beth .i'll whistle the tune all the way to the gallows says:
i dressed like that when i was 12
beth .i'll whistle the tune all the way to the gallows says:
nothing, i just dont know why yr telling me what yr wearing

haha, is anyone as amused as me?