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beth

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[21 Aug 2006|02:06pm]

HTTP://WWW.LIVEJOURNAL.COM/XBETHATTACKX



new journal mate.
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[20 Aug 2006|06:26pm]
going to delete my journal.

bye.
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[20 Aug 2006|05:06pm]
[ mood | :( ]

today, i feel alien to myself.

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[19 Aug 2006|10:28pm]
[ mood | sad ]

ok, so i've finally decided to do something about the way i'm feeling. i'm going to see the doctor on monday & hopefully he can sort me out. i get to pick my new glasses up too, going to be a geek! my moods kind of temperamental today, it's rapidly changing from highs to lows i think i need to stop snapping at people so much, esp when they havn't done anything. just sometimes i don't even want people to talk to me because it makes me irritable. mostly my mother, some times i don't even want to answer her questions. at the moment i'm just falling downwards & i honestly don't think i'm going to stop, but i'm going to try! i want to go to college with a positive attitude. i need to get back to being beth glastonbury not someone that pushes people away & disregards anything anyone has to say, not someone that has to fake a smile all the time. my livejournal entrys will be happy soon i promise. if they're some how boring you then i'm sorry, but well it's my journal. i don't have to hide anything i can type what i want. yer yer, darryl bought me two massive bottles of peach ice tea today, now see, these are the things that keep me going.

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[17 Aug 2006|03:14pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

trying to pick myself up off the floor, anyone wanna help me?

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[16 Aug 2006|01:12pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

feeling super duper lonely, it bugs me how all the assholes get the girls & i get none, maybe i am the biggest asshole of all? ohh, i don't know it's just really dragging me down lately, anyone wanna be my girlfriend? please?
:(

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[14 Aug 2006|02:16pm]
[ mood | okay ]

me & stevie got a ginuea pig, we named her rambo, even though we was convinced it was a boy we was proven wrong :( here's the little fella'

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

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[13 Aug 2006|10:48pm]
[ mood | wikkid mate ]

she's seen all the classics, she knows every line, breakfast club, pretty in pink even st elmos fireeeee! Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

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[10 Aug 2006|10:57am]
[ mood | gutted ]

i can't even begin to explain how empty i feel, i never thought they would of said that stuff to me. never in a million years, i just thought it was said over the internet out of angst & arguments. i've never been hated passionately by anyone before. what hurts most is them laughing at me & wanting me to die. & wishing they never met me. it's funny how people can just drop a year & forget about it. but i can't, not at the moment anyway. i know exactly how i feel & who i am & i know i never wanted this to happen. but i guess it's ok because you now have each other & the rest of the world doesn't matter & most of all that means me. one of the worse things was me starting to believe what they was saying to me! am i really all that stuff they said? does everyone really find me annoying? am i really venom? i don't even know myself anymore. but i realised yesterday i don't even think i know the people i've spent a huge part of my life with. but time will tell, but i think this is it now. closure be fucked!

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[06 Aug 2006|12:14am]
[ mood | itchy ]

ok, you hate me. but i'm afraid you're going to be around me some times in the future & all i want is to be civil, maybe not even civil. just ignore me if you hate me that much. just don't start arguments & embarass me! tssk!

the more you get, the less you care, don't think you'd ever smile, i bet we'll never speak again

contrary to all that i had a nice day, i went up cwm carnival with dobbs & had a giggle, & joined a team of eight for tug of war with cerys & mel & five other people i don't know. it was so funny because our team won both games & we won the final, the last match was so hard! it felt like it lasted for hours but i didn't give up, even though i was tempted! we had about one hundred people watching us haha. when we finished i just fell on my back & almost passed out i was that out of breath. after getting abused by these twelve year old clarts we went up the mountain to watch mark ride a wild horse. stevie & some of the girls come up too (yeah, that wasn't awkward atall) but i didn't provoke anything, just acted normal. played with air rifles & i've never shot a gun before but wowww. then we all went to grahams house, watched peter kay & bo selecta, felt like i was thirteen all over again :) then things got awkward & i just had to leave. had a good chat with stevie, got home had a chinese & an hour long conversation with my mam & darryl about religion.

what's everyone else been up to this weekend then? everyone seems to be on holidays!

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[01 Aug 2006|11:02am]
[ mood | calm ]

i'm turning into a big ebay slag again. i've bought like two pairs of shoes off there already, haha, but yeah anyone want a pair of dickies or adidas jacket or straight edge t'shirt? look here...

http://search.ebay.co.uk/_W0QQsassZbethypenguinQQhtZ-1

safe as fuck.

spent last night up weatherspoons with rachel, bease, ross & kristy & then i spyed my music bitch dobbs with owen. i was so happy to see them. we talked for ages & shared a muffin. haha. then we headed onto the tav but stevie drove past me in her car which was a bit strange. but i got in & she brought me home & we had a good long talk & we kissed & made up :) so overall i'm a happy camper, i have all the people i need & i've pretty much not lost anyone or anything!

plans for this week are clean my bedroom because i'm blagging £20 off my mam, dollshouse tonight to pick a disc up full of pictures off craig & thursday i know i'm going to barry island & i think i'm staying at natalies. probably get pissed! i'll keep you all updated!

ohh has anyone heard any of the new stuff by slayer? fuckin' epic yo'!

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[31 Jul 2006|09:56am]
[ mood | unmoved ]

i don't know how to feel about things at the moment. i'm ok, i'm not crying or sad or anything. i mean shit i knew this was coming anyway it was just a question of when?. personally i went to sleep thinking i couldn't give two fucks & i woke up feeling exactly the same way. infact i wouldn't give a fuck is she died. & i'm sure the feelings mutual, it's amazing how you can love someone so much & then bit by bit grow to really hate them. i guess there is a fine line between love & hate. but like my dad told me if you hate someone you're still thinking about them & focusing alot of what you do around them, so as from today you're dead to me & i couldn't feel more liberated. breath of fresh air really. time to get my life on track & spend time with people that actually care about me. it's a win win situation for all of us really.

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[22 Jul 2006|12:24pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

glass half empty

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[21 Jul 2006|06:46pm]
[ mood | sad ]

i'm totally miserable. i hate not being with them, i hate not being with her, i hate spending my days in my bedroom trapped with my thoughts & my penguin toys, i just hate being lonely. & at the moment i feel like the loneliest person in the world. i need to stop crying & get a grip. bike scene just about sums me up.

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[20 Jul 2006|11:54pm]
[ mood | okay ]

spending my time with kristy & bease at the moment, should be good for all three of us, beaches & lots of food & stuff. sure, i'm missing the others, but in the long run it'll be better for me. maybe we can hang out as friends one day or something. oh well, win some you lose some.

got to be up at like nine tomorrow morning, so good night!

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[19 Jul 2006|11:29am]
[ mood | sad ]

time to break away, time to get happy.

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[18 Jul 2006|10:21am]
[ mood | hot ]

so i'm sat here with the new early november cd on, it's lush! it's like three disks with like 30 odd songs on. good way to start my summer really. if i ask nicely maybe stevie will take me for long drives with it playing. yeah yeah, but anyway i'm gunna make an entry, probably which will consist of pictures aswell. yeah i think it will!

since i got home from amsterdam i've been out with stevie, cassie & dobbs, it's been fuckin' epic. rachael only got back from her holiday yesterday so i got to see her after like a week, was nice. i've been up mountains & down fields. last night i even rode a motorbike but snapped the back because i fell off, invented a new game called human bowling. all you need is a half pipe & some people haha. smoked shit lots of weed & put cassie's bong to the test. he's a little star for such a small bong. that's it really. my mood seems to be quite temperamental lately though, the smallest thing can trigger me off into a labyrinth of unnecessary snapping & pissy fits. but sometimes i feel justified. yeah i'm gunna lay off the depressing shit now, here's some pictures.

ohhhCollapse )

tredeger mountain today, you know how i roll!

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[16 Jul 2006|10:05pm]
[ mood | awake ]

blah blah blah

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[14 Jul 2006|01:18pm]
[ mood | okay ]

rightt, so time for a written entry about my time in amsterdam. i went last monday & i was a bit warey about going. but i got excited on the plane & was super happy when i got there. landed at like ten oclock there time or something like that. met angela my mams friend & we got back to her house at like eleven oclock because of the trains & stuff like that. went straight out with laura to meet her friends, i rode two and a half miles on a propper dutch bike with laura on the back. was a bit wobbly but it was fun. couldn't stand when i got off the bike though. met her friends who didn't speak english atall, but they tryed so it was ok. felt uncomfy & i never feel uncomfy around new people as i'm quite social (well i like to think) but they where passing me joint after joint of the most perfect shit i've ever smoked. got really really fucked & attempted to peddle back to lauras at 2am. but that failed & we crashed into a grass verge on the side of the motor way. so we walked.

tuesday woke up pretty late & ate quasons (sp?) with lots of jam on & headed off to amsterdam with my mam. looked in lots of shops, & the shoes there where amazing. & the girls where just beautiful. i really did feel like i was in heaven. ate a mcdonalds, but the burger was massive, so i had a job to finish it. then i had a ben & jerrys ice cream which was outstanding! drank lots & lots of ice tea & headed home but went to bed early because i was really tired.

wednesday went into amsterdam with laura, my mam & angela, went for a meal & bought me some new shoes & cassie a bong. then we proceeded to go look around the red light district, it was amazing! i had my mouth open in awe the whole time. some of the prostitutes there are stunning. but i just liked watching the men go in & out of the doors, that was funny. went back home & lauras friend picked me up on his scooter & went to the docks for some doobie (as they call it) got really really really stoned again & then went home late on the back of the scooter!

thursday i was on edge pretty much all day, i just lazed around the garden & i've got a sexy sexy tan. haha, i worry way to much about what's going on at home sometimes. but then my mind was settled because i went on the internet & i was fine. got home in abertillery at half elevenish last night.

so overall, i pretty much loved the city of amsterdam. i loved the whole concept of it & how controversial it is. plus i love how much ice tea you can drink out there. i'll definitely go back, with my friends this time so we can sit in coffee shops & share a four people bong. sweeet!

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[14 Jul 2006|09:12am]
[ mood | okay ]

so, i went to amsterdam with my mam & stayed with her friends. it was really warm & really nice to get away kind of. so here's some pictures!

Read more...Collapse )

make a written entry later!

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[10 Jul 2006|11:26am]
[ mood | excited ]

i'm going to amsterdam now, bye!

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[09 Jul 2006|02:16pm]
[ mood | blah ]

so last night was my little "goodbye" party. well it wasn't really but i decided to myself that it was because i know i'm going to be missed. haha, but yeah for a "goodbye" party it wasn't that good. the beginning was nice i had a yokie bar to look forward too, cheap cider, some kick ass music & just generally having a laugh. but no!

cassie got spiked with an e in her cider, which is the most unfunny thing i have ever heard. i think i was expected to laugh but instead i got angry & cryed. made me realise how much i love her really. but you know the worse thing? they was going to do it to me!!! yeah. i felt a bit betrayed. you can't win with anyone can you?

oh well. amsterdam tomorrow, leave me some nice comments to come home to k? && kids in glasshouses new song is so nice.

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[08 Jul 2006|01:16pm]
[ mood | okay ]

well cassie is a babe & gave me two mp3 players to take away with me, so musically i'll be sorted for the plane & stuff. btw people i'm going to amsterdam on monday for like five days & it's gunna be so nice! gunna smoke it up with laura & her dutch friends. i'm going to emilys again tonight & i'm getting even more cheap cider. & maybe this time i'll have a bed to myself? fat chance like. ohh yeahh my #12 merch come today. i've been waiting pretty much over a year for #12 merch & today i finally got a tshirt. it came in a huge box though. strange!

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[07 Jul 2006|04:28pm]
[ mood | weird ]

err last night i bought 4 litres of cheap tesco value £1.38 cider, needless to say i was moosed at emilys house. she had a pretty neat party & lots & lots of people came, wasn't really much of an atmosphere either, i just sat on the side with cassie, dobbs & penny & drummed to blessed by a broken heart, pretty funny & we're now in a death metal band called murder on the moores haha. "christmassss dinnnnnerrr" lil stevie got really upset over stuff so i tryed to cheer her up by singing songs to her, & rachael recorded me doing busted, prince & fallout boy was pretty funny! drove down the all night garage to get lil stevie a lolli but when we got back she'd left along with like four other people so i just drank up some more then got really upset about something so i stormed off up to the atic for a cry & big stevie came & talked to me for a while, so then i just went to sleep in emilys mams bed & woke up this morning at 5am doing skateboard tricks & eating sweets. but now i'm hungover to the max & i need some sleep because i'm doing it all over again tomorrow, amsterdam on monday!
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
me & stevie are so grimey!

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[05 Jul 2006|12:14pm]
[ mood | amused ]

Don't steal, the government hates competition says:
well rite now im wearin sk8r trainers, (BLACK) a baggy chemical romance t shirt n a black spiky belt n baggy trousers wiv chains on the sides
beth .i'll whistle the tune all the way to the gallows says:
uh, ok
Don't steal, the government hates competition says:
there really long as well theyre tight up the top but really baggy at the bottom
Don't steal, the government hates competition says:
wa rong wiv tha?
beth .i'll whistle the tune all the way to the gallows says:
i dressed like that when i was 12
beth .i'll whistle the tune all the way to the gallows says:
nothing, i just dont know why yr telling me what yr wearing

haha, is anyone as amused as me?

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[02 Jul 2006|11:46am]
[ mood | warm ]

LIVE TRUMPS 1.1
watch beeep_ima_robot fight
CREATE YOUR CARD


i don't really get it. but apparently i'm not sophisticated at all, & i've been attacked by jellyfish. i've never even been to greece, i hear it's lovely this time of year though..talk about yr..um..big lizards! yeahhh!
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[30 Jun 2006|07:34pm]
[ mood | okay ]

all my life consists of lately is eating, listening to chiodos & the smiths, arguing with "friends", & thinking about someone constantly. i need a new band, i need some new friends & i need a new love interest. it's scary how much what morrissey sings about i can relate to.

anyway, spent the week with cassie, stevie & carys (she come down from north wales) went to see the other gang last night though & it was really nice. ate loads of food & laughed lots. slept in emilys bed & sweated like a bitch all night & spent all day today trying to get home from tredeger. that was a bit of a bitch too.

don't know what this weekend holds. but i'm sure it'll be full of alcohol, drama & tears!

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[27 Jun 2006|09:38am]
[ mood | okay ]

this weekend has been epic! friday the dj had a party at her house, it was full of bitchez, blunts & booze. & the mixing decks where on. i was drinking lots of stella & just got drunk & danced & danced & danced for hours on end with lakel & rachael in the kitchen. was in bed at like 1am apparently. i don't remember though because i was moosed. but i had a lovely night. here's some pictures Read more...Collapse )

saturday was babysitting which was grim. & sunday was church to say goodbye to my dearest jo & i went up bryn bach park in the afternoon & won myself a goldfish, he's called frap & he's in my window. i'm pretty sure he's dead though. oh well, got drunk last night too fuckin' anarchy!

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[21 Jun 2006|12:51pm]
[ mood | sad ]

i don't think it's possible for anyone to feel as shitty as i do right now :(

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[19 Jun 2006|01:30pm]
[ mood | okay ]

i spelt censored wrong!

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

i rode this little beaut all the way to swansea on the weekend, ohh yeah! you better believe it. haha.

swansea was ok, walking through escape the park was the most embaressing thing i have ever done in my life & i've never felt so out of place. insults don't really bother me, but then again sometimes they really do. anyway, it was an ok day/night the way home was the best part i sat in the boot & it was really comfy because i had lots of blankets & pillows & the movielife blasting in my ears. slept at stevies & didn't get home until late on sunday.

chilled up lakels & stuff, & now i'm home without anything to do. seeing my dad later :) then stevie & cassie i think? have a smoke up session with cassie.

tell me about yr weekend in a comment is ittt?

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[16 Jun 2006|11:08pm]
[ mood | okay ]

how come every day seems to get harder & harder? oh well, i seem to be coping & dealing with it pretty well :) i think i deserve brownie points for that. but i just realised you people reading this have no idea what i'm talking about. i'll save that for a friends only post i think :P swansea tomorrow, weed & bitchez! you know how i roll!

p.s; a bit of advice, never let someone become everything!

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[15 Jun 2006|12:24pm]
[ mood | okay ]

me & stevie are making a dirty little secret video with other people because the video excites us so much. we have to do three lies & three secrets, so people don't really know which are ours! can you guess which ones are mine?

i got all my exam papers canceled, but i havn't told my friends.
i wish i was closer to my dad.
i have faked it every single time.
i wish she was dead.
i love her so much but she'll never know.
i hate the way my friends treat me.

they all seem to be true actually! haha, but go ahead & guess.

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[12 Jun 2006|12:07pm]
[ mood | sick ]

it's felt like such a long weekend & it's been just like a rollercoaster.
thursday i went to swansea beach with a few of the girls & went in the water & played with a ball & made food for everyone because someone always ends up saying "i'm hungry!" & it's usually me :P road trip home was funny, stevies car nearly broke down & rachael got drunk drunk drunk & got sand over the car everywhere (so funny!)
here's some beach picturesCollapse )

friday cassies parents where away so i went up her house for a quiet bbq in her garden but quiet isn't exactly the word. found out lots of cardiff kids & other people that would cause an atmosphere was coming. i didn't care but i got so fucking wrecked i was put to bed real early & alot happened when i was sleeping, & i mean tears & fist fights, woke up with a monster hang over with two girls next to me. haha!

saturday went back up cassies & had a chill with just the old gang of us & it was nice. watched the breakfast club which i pretty much quoted all the way through & st elmos fire & realised how we could make a film called st cwm fire & probably have about a million storys going on. didn't get to sleep until like 4am.

sunday i woke up late & me & rachael went from cassies to brynbach park, alex took us & we met some people up there & just chilled in the sun & i've caught a bitch of a tan on my face. i was only sat there for like half hour!

so it's been a pretty nice weekend! had it's ups & downs, but most of my weekends do haha. amsterdam in four weeks, anyone want a present?

feel pretty bummed today, someone cheer me up?

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[05 Jun 2006|08:10pm]
[ mood | sad ]

i'm getting so fucking upset lately. i've cryed more than three times this week already. i have absolutely no friends really. unless you consider friends people that are just concerned about them selves & only making them selves happy then yeah. i have friends. ha! i have absolutely no body to talk to i can't even moan to joe any more because she's moved some where in england without even saying goodbye. i just hate feeling lonely, & that's how i feel right now. i want to stop crying & caring about people that really couldn't care less about me. i just need someone to talk to.

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[05 Jun 2006|10:50am]
[ mood | weird ]

i don't know what's come over me this morning. i'm just feeling a little resentful & i don't know why. i'm having all these bad negative thoughts, maybe it's my nerves about my gcse exam this afternoon catching up with me. i don't know! the weathers really nice too but i have no use of it today. i really wanted to get my super soaker out aswell :( anyone wanna come play?

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[04 Jun 2006|09:38am]
[ mood | clean ]

i love love love the new all american rejects video. dirty little secret! it's amazing. kind of, yeahh it is :) it just makes me want to make my own dirty little secret video! that's all i have to say really.

oh actually. i went camping friday in brecon, it was nice but then it got a bit rubbish. plenty of burgers, spliffs & bottles of cheap beer floating around. i loved it!

so tell me a dirty little secret in a comment & i'll tell you one back! :P

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[01 Jun 2006|03:03pm]
[ mood | weird ]

hurting someone you love more than most things can really take it's toll.

well, at least i'm not a liar! or lying to anybody right now. i think things will get sorted, just need a week or two i think.

just have to wait & see.

i am so sorry though!!

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[30 May 2006|11:59am]
[ mood | drained ]

got up at 5am yesterday & went to alton towers with rachael, stevie, little stevie, natalie & emily. they however wasn't awake when me & stevie got to emilys house so we had to drag them out of bed. left at 7am !!! how we actually got six people in the car i still don't know. & natalies car is small, i had to sit on the floor & crunch all my legs up by the end of the trip i had terrible cramp as i hardly moved the whole way there.

the day was really nice, i got in for like £15 because i bought this voucher thing off this tout on the side of the road. & i went on all the rides i wanted too, including rita like three times. no ques because of the rain :) all we did was eat all day & bum around & steal things like sweets & chocolate haha.

everyone got a bit snappy by the end of the day as none of us could really feel our feet, & the muscles in my legs from sitting in the car so awkward where still fucked up. the drive home didn't help either same position really but i lead on them instead so my back was literally in half.

didn't get home until about ten past twelve so it was a long long long day. but it was so much fun but some people forget that having fun is fun! & i guess i'm one of them people sometimes.

here's a photo of me, natalie & rachael in the services!

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

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[28 May 2006|12:24pm]
[ mood | smelly ]

& you'll continue to be completely oblivious to the way i feel :(

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[26 May 2006|10:12am]
[ mood | cold ]

it's about time i updated. i'm kind of back on track i got my gcse's at the moment though which is taking up alot of my time. actually not really. i'm going to alton towers on monday with the group minus a few. should be really nice because rachael is now talking to me & i can't think of anything better than that to make my summer good :)

i just spoke to some indian on the phone about my broadband. aw he was so nice asking me about the weather & every thing. i like indian people :)

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[18 May 2006|03:50pm]
[ mood | angry ]

go look up the meaning of respect & then get back to me.

fucking idiot!

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[18 May 2006|09:20am]
[ mood | happy ]

i've been up to quite a bit. partying, getting drunk, staying up until late, watching dope films, getting high, getting addicted to ebay again, shopping, going to school, getting my hair cut, spending time with stevie, going up the studio with the boys, reading & just genuinely being happy :) if i updated you with what i've done the last two weeks it would take me quite a while. & i don't want to bore you. the eldora parade have split up :( bit gutted am i? well, i'm going to see the da vinci code tomorrow & school finishes! so roll on a good ass summer!

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[12 May 2006|10:26pm]
[ mood | happy drunk ]

drunk reufdhgfh

to hell with you & all yr friends!

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[07 May 2006|05:48pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

i started reading the da vinci code on friday & i have like three chapters left. pretty good considering it's me. going to start angels & demons tomorrow, knowledge is power! & i've never found the catholic church so interesting before. i heard the priests where pedophiles & stuff & i never really respected them. not that i respect them now as they are the biggest bunch of hypocrits ever. well i think every church is really. but that's not the point, i just found the whole concept of the da vinci code intriguing & i'd like to know more. bit disappointed tom hanks is playing robert in the film though.

anyway, what a beautiful day to wake up next to the biggest feet in the the world. yes that's right, i woke up hugging stevies feet. well i say that like i was actually on the bed. anyway enough of that her mother is amazing & loves me & is buying me new trainers. adidas ones! but stevie is jealous haha.

nice weekend! feeling good!

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[05 May 2006|03:13pm]
[ mood | calm ]

so the sun is shining & i'm smiling which is ace! i don't know why i'm feeling so good? i just seem to have nothing on my mind. i had my tooth out on wednesday morning though which is kinda taking it's toll on me because it really hurts! but that's about it. i stretched my ears up to 18mm aswell which hurt & bled but i don't know why? & i'm indulging myself in the da vinchi code. i hav'nt read in so long & i need something to do with my spare time now as all i do is sit in my house.

but this weekend is going to be spent with the boys & rhiannons coming over to sell some stuff on ebay for me. blood brothers & terror hoodie are up for grabs, along side my original nes which includes a few games! let's just hope the weather stays like this.

new taking back sunday album - good
new from first to album - really bad

anyone agree?

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[02 May 2006|11:13pm]
[ mood | angry ]

hahahahahahha fucking ha! kidding myself was i? i think i have been for the last umm.. year or so? i think i'll just sit back & wait for everything to blow up in everyones faces & then i won't be the malicious one anymore :) & i'm a bit shocked i'm not crying after tonight. but it just made me realise that i don't give a fuck. i don't give a fuck about anyones drama, anyones secrets, anyones lies, & anyones silly little games! so go fuck yourself please, because everything i know about being a fuckhead i learned from you! goodnight.

#$%!*^@

[01 May 2006|09:43pm]
[ mood | sad ]

you know, sometimes you really think you know some body, like really know them & every thing about them & you grow to respect & admire them & everything about them. but then you realise that you really don't know them atall. & everything seems like a waste of time & their opinions don't matter anymore. oh well, i've got today & another two hundred odd to beat. or how ever many is left of this year. things like right now is enough to make you give up. time to let go i think. yeah, time to let go!

2comments | #$%!*^@

[29 Apr 2006|09:37pm]
[ mood | cranky ]

i don't really know how to feel right now. i mean i've pretty much just lost everyone that meant anything to me in less than a week, but on the bright side i have one of the most amazing friends still by my side & we had a nice night last night. brat pack film night, well it was more like just the one brat pack film. pretty in pink, i liked it alot & i really liked the girl & her pretty smile!

i feel like i'm kind of neglecting her from her other friends though & i really don't want to do that but she's all i have left really. i don't know where things went wrong mind. i'm not bitter anymore just still a little confused. have i really turned into a deceitful, selfish, childish, lying bitch? i still fail to see how people feeling like shit is my fault though. i didn't really make a mess of anything, so yeah. deal with it.

i just feel left out i guess, & i want people to say..hey, let's go see beth because she's cool & it's strange not having her around anymore. but i guess i'm not that special!

oh well, another day another war!

#$%!*^@

[27 Apr 2006|08:51pm]
[ mood | angry ]

hate me as much as you want!

i've spent too many hours crying over all of you to care anymore.

i'm sorry it had to all be like this, but you all made me learn something.

&i'll never make the same mistakes again.

i hate what i've become & who i am but i guess that's life!

#$%!*^@

[27 Apr 2006|03:18pm]
[ mood | blah ]

shyness is nice & shyness can stop you from doing all the things in life that you'd like to! wowww i love the smiths a bit. today has been spent thinking & my stomach won't stop turning. but i don't know why? i'm not excited or anything. i think i'm going to erase every thing from my mind, yes that's right! that's exactly what i'm going to do! i don't know why i made this entry really.

#$%!*^@

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